To Foxface
by plusTHREE
Summary: Drabble. Concerns Rukia's mixed emotions towards his actions the day he said he could save them all. [Rukia, Gin, and a smidge of Matsumoto]


1

**Dislike**

You played with my mind

and I disliked you for it.

_**Want me to save you?**_

That

_stupid accent_

That

_stupid smile_

That

_one phrase_

The one that triggered it all.

Memories flooded my mind,

tugging emotions

telling me that I did not in fact want to die.

_**Just kidding.**_

I thought I had found redemption.

I thought that I had redeemed myself for my sins,

for all the pain that I caused --

for all the trouble.

**Hatred**

You gave me hope, and for a second, I thought you were my savior –

So when your true image was revealed,

I hated you

_**Then you walked away.**_

Even though you spewed nonsense,

I believed you.

For a split moment,

I honestly thought you were going to help me.

I honestly thought you were going to help him.

I honestly thought you were a _good man._

_**Just for a split moment.**_

All because I wanted to live.

You knew this, didn't you?

You knew I couldn't just leave this world

because I was leaving so much behind.

Maybe you didn't.

Maybe you just thought that I feared death.

**_No_**

You're much smarter than that.

You knew the real reason.

You knew I couldn't just leave this world

or any world for that matter

without first knowing that he was going to be safe.

**Loathing**

You made me think that everything was going to be all right.

You made me think that you would help him.

So when you used my feelings to break me even more

I loathed you

_**But now...**_

The world has turned upside down.

Our battle was over the moment you turned your back

and you were the victor.

Our war was declared that very instance.

_**And now...**_

You're sitting there with that same stupid grin,

talking that same stupid slang,

your stupid hand tracing invisible patterns on the ground.

It's amazing how the ground doesn't hiss at the contact, because when you touched me, I surely felt acid.

**Happiness**

You fail to look up at the shadow that passes you by, though you know it's there, because you stop mumbling.

"How is he, Kuchiki-san?"

"Tch. Fervent as he had been since we had him locked up, Matsumoto-fukutaichou."

"Sou desu ka." I see.

She turns to walk away.

You don't even look up, but your hand stills.

_That's all she has to say?_

Is what you're thinking.

"By the way, the execution date has been moved up. Ichimaru will die two weeks from now."

**_Silence._**

"Is that all, Matsumoto-fukutaichou?"

**_Silence._**

"Hai."

You barely move.

"Arigato." I pause, and look at her back. "Do you want some time alone with him, Rangiku?"

At first I didn't know why I offered this.

You didn't deserve any type of communication with her.

A conversation, a look, nothing.

"No. Hitsugaya-taichou is waiting."

She leaves.

**Apathy**

"Gomen. I thought she would at least like to have a couple of moments with you."

Now it's my turn to go. Another will come to watch over you soon.

"Rukia."

_You finally look up from the ground, hands shaking._

_You finally stop smiling, voice straining._

_You finally address me by my name, soul shattering._

I say nothing.

"Why did you..."

_Eyebrows furrowed,_

_fists clenching_

_tears falling_

_heart breaking_

I can only sigh, knowing that you'll never understand.

I can only watch, knowing that you'll never recover from your loss.

I can only explain so much, knowing you'll never have such kindness bestowed upon you ever again.

_"I know how you feel about her, Gin."_

I address you by your first name because you did the same.

I address you by your first name because the person most familiar to you was gone.

I address you by your first name because I don't care anymore.

**Sympathic**

"And I know that you know that much."

It's your turn to say nothing.

"Regardless of what you think, I didn't ask her that because I thought she was going to refuse."

_Your lips curve deeper_

"I didn't ask her that because I thought the answer would hurt you."

_Your hands clench tighter_

"And I didn't ask her that to spite you for what you did to me."

_Your head casts down to your feet_

"I didn't ask her that to make you suffer, or get revenge."

Footsteps

whispers

musings

Guard

I should be gone by now.

**Mercy**

"Then why, Rukia. Why? Did you honestly think she would want to talk to me? After all that?"

Your accent is gone.

"I don't know, Gin. Maybe."

Maybe.

**_Maybe_**

"...You would have given me the chance..."

**_of peace with the one person you truly care about._**

You don't finish the sentence

because even now

you're still too cowardly to admit your feelings.

**_Silence_**

**_Silence_**

**_Creak_**

"Hey, Kuchiki-san. You're relieved." Hisagi-fukutaichou says, appearing by the entrance.

"Aa."

I nod and turn away from you.

After all you didn't finish what you were saying. How was I supposed to respond to something you're still not ready for?

So that's it. That's all there is to say.

The next time I see you,

**_you will be staring death in the face._**

Maybe you watched me walk away

Maybe now you see the twisted switch that we made since our war was declared

Maybe you had an epiphany

Maybe you realized that I won

Maybe, just maybe, you're waiting for your answer

Although you should know it by now, Ichimaru Gin.

_Though the board was out_

_the pieces set_

_my opportunity sealed_

I wouldn't do what you did to me.

I am nothing like you.

* * *

Gah. I hate how this turned out. Blah blah. The spacing on hella wonky so I had to improvise with the **weird _text __effects._** Please bear with it. Thanks. :D 


End file.
